The Freight Train of Adulthood

Three years ago, I was just hanging out by the station…

Two years ago, I was tied up on the tracks…

A year ago, I could hear train whistles in the distance…

At 11:30 this morning, I saw the headlights coming my way.

Yep, I signed up for my last semester of courses, and…

…Applied for graduation.

Is it just me, or are those lights getting closer awfully fast?


Fan Films

If I was a multi-billionaire and had plenty of money to waste, I would want to produce big-budget Hollywood-quality films using the intellectual property of others, and distribute them for free so I don’t get sued.

I’m sure you’ve probably seen Star Wars fan films. Imagine a Star Wars fan film with a Lucasfilm budget. Oh yeah.

Anyways, Here’s my shortlist of properties I’d love to see a good movie made of:

  • A good Super Mario Bros. movie
  • Legend of Zelda
  • Live-action Trigun directed by Robert Rodriguez
  • Star Trek: Ronin (My series; kind of like Cowboy Bebop meets Futurama)
  • Alternate version of Star Wars depicting the empire as the good guys and the rebels as terrorists
  • A movie co-directed by Quentin Tarantino and Kevin Smith
  • Homer’s Odyssey, but in space
  • Metal Gear Solid
  • Harry Potter / Lord of the Rings crossover (time travel maybe?)

Any thoughts? If you give me a billion dollars, I might add your idea to the list.


A Joke to Lighten the Mood

Sorry, that last post was rather depressing wasn’t it… How about a joke?

Here’s an old one that’s still funny:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.

“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”



I wonder if my paranoia might be holding me back…

Most people will leave their car unlocked if they will be returning shortly, and some don’t ever lock their car. I almost obsessively lock my car doors any time I leave it, no matter how long it will be. My friend leaves her beamer unlocked parked on the street, and I lock my car door when I pump my gas.

Most people have no problem meeting and talking to new people. I constantly worry about saying or doing something that will offend people I meet, or make myself look like an idiot. Actually, I do that with all people, friends and family included. This is why I like vending machines and self checkout lanes.

Most people are reasonably comfortable in crowds, and able to enjoy events like sports events, concerts, and parties. I’m nearly hyperventilating; always looking over my shoulder, scanning my surroundings while trying to avoid eye contact, and moving fast to get to a less crowded area.

Most people enjoy the downtown city night life. I go downtown to shoot some photos of Valerie, and all I can think is ‘I’m going to get mugged, Valerie is going to get raped, and we’re both going to be murdered and left in a dumpster’.

Most people, when thinking about their future, see a bright vision full of hope and optimism. All I can seem to think of is when and how things are going to go wrong. Whether the universe is going to be nice enough to kill me quickly, or if it will let me get married, have a child, and then kill my wife and child in a car crash that also leaves me blind (and out of work, being a graphic designer). Or worse, just kills me, leaving my wife to raise a child alone.

…Man, I really need to figure out some way to stop thinking.


Wasting time…

I don’t know why, but I seem to lack the initiative to do anything important recently. The only thing that gets me to finish homework is the deadline that’s usually in twenty minutes. I’m slacking at work, doing the bare minimum to be passable. Every time I’m at home all I do is play on the internet or watch TV.

I think I must have chronic fatigue syndrome. It’s all there… Cognitive dysfunction, unrefreshing sleep, joint pain, persistent muscle pain, headaches, etc…  I wonder if I could get a doctor to sign off on that and get me some painkillers or something. Better yet, I wonder if my insurance covers that “healing touch” massage. That would be awesome.

In fact, I should just skip the doctor and go straight to the massage. There’s a great solution. If I had a job that gave me sick leave or vacation time, I’d skip work and get a massage.

Really, I don’t even need a massage… I just need a job that gives sick leave or vacation time. Or more than $7 per hour. Really, I’d settle for the pay and benefits I get now if I’d just get some respect for my work. You know, like the fry cook at McDonalds. Or that guy that scrapes the gum off the seats in the second-run movie theater. Man, those guys have it made.

Maybe I can get a job as the practice dummy at a massage school. That would solve two problems at once.

That actually wouldn’t be the best idea now that I think bout it… I have a hard enough time shaking hands with people I don’t know, let alone having a bunch of random strangers rubbing me down.

Most people think I’m strange because I don’t want a bunch of random hot massage therapy chicks putting their hands all over me. I guess I’m still antisocial at heart.

That’s also why I can’t get a good job. On a scale of one to ten, I have about a negative three level of social aptitude. Misanthropy is not a quality that most employers look for.

No, I need more sleep and probably more caffeine when I’m awake. That’ll get me out of my slump.

And a massage.



I’m worried about the kind of person who I might wind up with as a roommate. In my mind there are two extremes, “horrible roommate” and “perfect roommate.”

I think it would be problematic if I got either of these. The horrible roommate is self explanatory.  In my mind this would be a big sweaty jock frat boy who would party all the time and trash the apartment at every opportunity.

But I also wouldn’t want a “perfect roommate.” The perfect roommate in my mind is a beautiful upbeat (but not insanely perky) intelligent and self-confident redhead girl with identical interests, political & social beliefs, and sense of humor, who loves to cook for everyone and keeps everything clean. She would have a long term boyfriend, but is still comfortable hanging out with other guys. We would quickly become good friends after I accidentally see her naked coming out of the shower one day. At first she would be embarrassed, but later we would both laugh it off and go watch a movie together. One night I would come home from classes to find her crying with her phone in-hand. I’d ask her what’s wrong and she would say her boyfriend just broke up with her. I would put my arm around her and try to comfort her, but she would refuse and say she doesn’t know how any man could love her. I would reply by telling her how she’s smart, funny, and beautiful, and she would stop crying a bit. “Really?” she would ask. I would say “Of course; any man would be lucky to be you.” There would be a pause as we just sit there. Then slowly, our eyes would close and we would lean in to kiss.  Gently at first, but soon it would become more and more passionate, until before I realize it, we’re having sex on the kitchen floor.

And that would certainly throw a wrench in the works regarding my engagement to Adrianna.

That’s why I don’t want a horrible or a perfect roommate.

I need to find some happy medium. Like someone who won’t have huge parties, but steals my milk. Or maybe a satanist. I just want someone who will ignore me and let me ignore them. Someone to share a bathroom with, but otherwise never have any contact with.

The not-perfect roommate. Now that’s a perfect roommate.


Busy now

Well, that was an unproductive weekend…

Things due this week:

  • Paper outline of film analysis for Topics in Art History (due Tuesday)
  • Reading response for above class (also Tuesday)
  • Write a paper on 5 movements in modern art for Research and Readings in Art (due Thursday)
  • Assemble and order midterm book for Digital Photography (due Thursday)
  • DPS on hieroglyphics for Typography (due Friday)

Things to do this week:

  • Study for Philosophy midterm (Thursday)
  • Sort out Internship junk (either get one lined up or drop ART 495 until spring)

All while still trying to work on:

…Ow. The thought of all this work makes my brain hurt. I think I’m just going to go play some video games after I finish writing this.

On another note, I’ve worked out some figures on my potential apartment budget.

Starting with income:

  • Paycheck = about $260 x2 monthly.
  • Therefore, monthly Income = $520.

Now expenses:

  • Average rent of 1BR apartment = $350/mo
  • Utilities = About $50 (water + sewer + trash + electric)
  • Engagement ring payment = $100/mo
  • Cell phone = $30
  • Car insurance = $20

So if I subtract the expenses from the income I get…. Negative $30. And that has to cover food and gas.

So since Plan C (Get an apartment from a private owner) seems to have failed, now we go on to Plan D (Find someone looking for a roommate). Great… The only way I can move out of a house full of annoying people I hate is to move in to a house full of annoying people I probably will hate.

Theoretically, I could just get a better job first. The problem is employers in Findlay are less likely to hire you if you live 30 miles away. Their reasoning usually involves snow and the missed work caused by it. The logic with this is circular; I can’t live in Findlay without a better job, and I can’t get a better job unless I live in Findlay. A real Catch-22 I find myself in… Thus, the roommate. If that doesn’t work out within a couple weeks, it’s on to the more difficult Plan E (Get a better job, then move out).

Lastly, on a completely unrelated subject, I finally figured out how to set the clock on my car stereo after having it about four years. The trick: Buy a new battery and install it at 12:00.


Personality Test

Oohh… Personality test. Alright, I’ll try it.

1. Picture a desert. The first thing that comes to your mind. it can be a realistic one, or your fantasy idea of a desert. Describe it.

Oh jeez… my head… Where am I? A desert? It seems to be a completely barren wasteland, with no signs of life for miles in any direction. Mostly sunny with a high near 140 degrees. Chance of death by thirst about 80%.

2. Now imagine that there is a cube in the desert. How big is it? What is it made of, if you can tell? What is it’s texture? is it solid or hollow? Is it sitting flat on the ground or is it in some other position? Come up with a few adjectives to describe it.

What’s that in the distance? It’s a Borg cube!! RUUUUNNN!!! Oh wait. Never mind it looks abandoned, like it crashed here hundreds of years ago. It’s completely dead inside. I’m gonna go take a look. Maybe I can adapt their technology to create a homing beacon to let someone know I’m here…

3. Now picture a ladder in the desert. Where is it in relation to the cube? What is it made of? Is it a straight ladder or a stepladder? Does it have a lot of rungs, or a few?

I tripped over an old broken wooden ladder a mile back on my way to investigate the cube. I caught myself, but got some nasty splinters. Who the hell leaves a ladder in the middle of a desert anyway?

4. Now add a horse in the desert. What color is it? Where is it in relation to the cube and ladder and what is it doing? Is it wearing a bridle or saddle?

A white horse just ran past me going away from the cube as fast as possible. I tried to catch it so I could ride it, but it just crushed my arm and galloped off. Now I have splinters, no water, and a broken arm…

5. There is a storm somewhere in the desert. Where do you see it? What kind of storm is it? Does it affect the cube, ladder and horse or not?

I don’t see any storm… Oh shit, it just got dark. Yeah. Yeah, now it’s raining on me. Fuck, it’s a flash flood. I am so boned now. Ow. OW!! AAAHH!! IT’S ACID RAIN!!! How ironic that I desperately need water, but it will kill me if I drink it…

6. Finally, there are flowers in the desert. Are they clustered in one location, or scattered around the desert? Are there a lot of them or a few? What kind are they and what color?

Ow! Ow! Ow! Gotta get to the Borg cube! Maybe I’ll find some shelter there! WTF? A bouquet of fake flowers just washed by. They look like the cheap kind you put on graves of family members you don’t really like. Now that’s a weird thing to see in a acid-flooded desert. Huh? They’re melting… Oh yeah, OW! FUCK! ACID RAIN!!!


Alright let’s see what they mean….

To interpret the answers, you should concentrate on how you feel about the thing that you describe and not how it looks. For example, you may describe the cube as blue in color and blue gives you a feeling of calmness. However, another person may describe the cube as white in color and white gives her a sense of calmness. Though both persons picture the cube differently, the interepretations of their answers are the same — the cube represents calmness to them.

Desert: The desert represents your current state of mind and the world as you see it.

Cube : The cube represents yourself. How you think about the cube reflects how you think about yourself. For example, you may think the cube is made of yellow stones. Yellow may give you a feeling of warmth and stone may give you a feeling of strength. Then, it means that you believe that you are a strong and warm person. The distance between you and the cube reflects your understanding about yourself. If the cube is far away, then it means that you do not feel close to your inner self. If the cube is transparent, that means you let people see through you. People can read your mind easily. The ratio of the cube to the desert is how you think about yourself in this world. The bigger the ratio, the bigger your ego is. A small ratio means that you recognize that you are just one part of this world and there are many other things out there beside you.

Ladder : The ladder represents your friends. If the ladder is leaning against the cube, then it means that your friends depend on you. If the ladder is supporting the cube, that means you depend on your friends. The distance between the ladder and the cube indicates if you feel close to your friends or not. Again, how you feel about the ladder reflects how you feel about your friends (eg. what you feel about the color of the ladder and the material it is made of).

Horse : The horse is your lover. If the horse is close to the cube, then it means that you are close to your lover. If the horse is tied or has a saddle on it, then it means that you like to control your lover. As before, the impression of the horse reflects the impression you have of your lover.

Storm : The storm is the obstacle in your life. If the storm is close to the cube/ stationary, then you are always experiencing hardship in your life. If the storm is small, then it means the obstacle in your life is quite small.

Flower/s : The flower represents your offspring. If the flower is close to the cube, that means you are close to your children. Again, what you feel about the flower indicates the feelings you have towards your children.


Huh… I see…  Pfft, whatever. These personality test things never make any sense. I’m a Borg cube and my friends are made of wood? And I don’t even have kids! No sense whatsoever.



Appartment hunting

*Progress update*

Step 1: Initial apartment search resulted in about 26 results. Names have been changed to cover my ass.

  • Result: All apartment businesses in Findlay: “A Apartments” – ” Z Apartments”

Step 2: Research negative reviews of apartments.

  • Result: “A, F, J, L, M, & Q Apartments” removed from list.

Step 3: Research other negating factors.

  • Result: “C, E, & O Apartments” removed for high number of references in the docket (Crime).
    H, N, & W Apartments” removed for long-distance/corporate ownership (Hard to reach landlord).
    D & R Apartments” removed for proximity to Country Club/Golf course (Definitely too expensive).
    G Apartments” removed for review of poor management (Good apartment, bad manager)
    V Apartments” removed for being a retirement living apartment (I’m not old).

Step 4: Research size/cost.

  • Result: “G, I, K, P, T, U, Y, & Z Apartments” removed for only having 1 bedroom apartments at $400/mo. or more.

Final result: B, S, & X Apartments” have efficiencies or studios at $340/mo. or less.

Next step: Go check out these three and determine the best option, based on quality of accommodations, potential included utilities, ammentities on-site, etc… and send in lease application.

…After that: A new job. Bleah.

EDIT 10/02: As it turns out, “B & X Apartments” are owned by the same person,  and have identical floorplans, prices, etc… I’m visiting “B Apartments” tomorrow to check out one they expect to rent out tomorrow, but would be identical to one in “X Apartments” which will be available at the end of the month. If all goes well, I’ll be living in Findlay by Guy Fawkes Night.