You smell like beef and cheese! You don’t smell like Santa.

My family complains that I always ask for too much stuff for Christmas. “There’s just a lot that I want,” I tell them. It’s not my fault; I’m just very materialistic. Anyways, I think I should pare down my list to be a bit more manageable, so here’s just a few of the things I want for Christmas ’07:

  • Cash
  • DVDs are good, but since I have a ton it’s better to give a gift card so you don’t get me one I already have.
  • A Playstation 3
  • This or this or this shirt
  • A loyal army to do my bidding (Ninjas preferably, but robots are fine, too)
  • A week at a spa/holistic therapy clinic (Massages = good)
  • Cash
  • Video games – Some good ideas: Super Mario Galaxy, Metroid Prime 3: Echoes, or the Orange Box for PC
  • A 650-2600mm Telephoto lens for my Canon EOS Digital Rebel XT camera (Sports photography… Yeah, that’s it…)
  • A Kaya Optics 58mm PF4 Filter (for Agricultural Pollution Monitoring and Document inspection only, of course…)
  • A million paveviews on deviantART, and people buying my prints
  • Majority shareholdership in the Walt Disney Company (Who’s ready for some legitimate Little Mermaid hentai?)
  • A Digital Camcorder
  • Forged (but believable) records that say I am the rightful heir to the British crown.
  • A Flux Capacitor, a Mr. Fusion portable generator, and a car capable of traveling over 88 MPH (mine can’t)
  • Cash (or a gift card)
  • A one-week vacation to Japan to spend the holidays with Adrianna.
  • A Kawasaki Ninja ZX-14 (Black)
  • Superpowers (Super strength and invulnerability foremost, but super-speed and flight would be cool too)
  • More ram for my computer (Or just a new computer)
  • A publishing contract with a decent advance so I can focus on my books and comics
  • A Mitsubishi 73″ 1080p DLP HDTV
  • Maybe some people skills? Nah, just give me that TV.
  • Cash
  • The Boston Red Sox (To be renamed to the Boston Robert Sox)
  • A genetics research and cloning laboratory
  • DNA samples from Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba, Natalie Portman, etc…
  • Property in Nevada, and a license to open a brothel (These last three kinda go together)
  • A harrier jet or or F-35 (VTOL kicks ass)
  • The world’s rarest truffle (chocolate, not fungus)
  • Cash (maybe some in Euros, since the dollar is falling so much…)
  • A new laptop (Dell XPS, maybe?)
  • A spacious one-bedroom apartment close to campus for less than $300/month. (Yeah, right… compared to this, the Ninja Army sounds almost plausible)
  • A lifetime supply of Mountain Dew (3 can per day X 80 years = 29,220 cans)
  • Laser-eye surgery (not corrective; I want Laser-Eyes)
  • Cash

If I could pick just one though, I’d go for the Japanese vacation… I miss Adrianna… The genetics lab is a close second.

But then again, gift cards are always good. Or cash.


Beauty (Or lack thereof)

I realized on my way home today that somewhere along the line, thanks to my graphic arts training, I have lost the ability to see things as beautiful.

I was driving east as the moon was rising. Have you ever watched the moon rise? Have you looked at it when it’s just on the horizon and it’s a deep amber color, and it’s rays reflect off of the thin wispy clouds around it, and the silhouette of houses makes it look like the biggest thing imaginable?

Yeah. Most people would find that beautiful. All I can seem to do is dissect it and analyze it. I’m thinking, “the reason it looks so big is that it’s an optical illusion based on perspective. It’s the same size, but when the moon is high in the sky there’s nothing to compare it to, it looks smaller than when it’s behind houses. The deep color is caused by the low angle of viewing; there is much more atmosphere in the line of sight, so the moon’s reflected light has more dust in the air to filter through.”

I only see the science behind it… I can’t just see it as a pretty natural scene.

It’s the same with art and movies. I don’t feel any emotional context when viewing them. I can recognize the technical aptitude required to create them, but all I really see anymore is the formal elements of art like line, color, form, etc… I don’t ever cry or feel anything about movies or commercials because I know how each scene was specifically constructed with dialog, lighting, scene cuts, music, and such to achieve the maximum potential for evoking an emotional response.

It’s even worse with advertisements because I don’t stop with dissecting the attempted message, but I also tear apart the photoshop work. “Clone stamp here… dodge and burn here… bring up the saturation here… smooth out the texture here…”

Fuck… There’s no beauty left in the world. But at least I’m not jaded about people’s inner beauty.

At least not until I take that psychology course next semester…




I had my internship interview today… I’ll get to that in a bit, but I want to address something first. Namely, the fact that people are assholes who only care about image.

I dressed up a bit more than usual today for the interview. Khaki slacks,  black button down shirt, and a tie. Over that I wore my nice trench coat so I’ll admit I was pretty slick looking. After the interview I decided to head up to the mall in Toledo to pick up a book at Borders and look around for Christmas gifts. In the mall I noticed something… People treat you quite a bit differently if you are wearing a tie. Every stand selling home improvement stuff for home-owners tried to sell me something. Any place I went to, salespeople came right up to me and asked if I needed any help.  Most addressed me as “sir,” like “do you need any help today, sir?” or “Is there something you want to look at closer, sir?” or “Six white castles, and an order of mozzarella sticks? Here you are, sir.” I never get that quality of customer service when I wear a Star Wars t-shirt.

All that is fine, but there was one thing that struck me as awful. I was walking in the direction of a jewelery store and there was a middle aged black woman looking at stuff in the case at the front of the store. I wouldn’t say she looked poor, but she certainly didn’t look rich. She was looking at stuff for a while with no sales personnel going over to talk to her, but when I walked by and stopped for just a few seconds to check out a watch, someone came right up and asked “Was there something you wanted to look at today, sir?” I just said “no thanks” and walked away, but I was upset that they just ignored a potential customer because she didn’t look like she had enough money to buy anything. I’m a poor college student, that was the only set of nice clothes I own… For all I know that lady probably had more money than me. After that, I left the mall… I ignored the people who tried to sell my vinyl siding and windows for my non-existent house. I ignored the group of businessmen in suits who smiled and nodded at me as if I was one of their kind. I got out of the mall, and as soon as I got in my car, the first thing I did was take off my tie.

I didn’t like ties before, but now I really hate ties. They’re just useless scraps of fabric that symbolize the “style over substance” mindset so many people have these days…

Luckily, the  agency I interviewed with seemed more relaxed. Nobody wore ties there. I think I made a decent impression, because I got a second interview to be held at their Findlay office after the holiday.

I’m headed to Indiana tomorrow… Gotta go see the family. I’ll be back Saturday.

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving. Now go eat some cranberry sauce or something…


Sad and Happy

Sad, because I was at Big Lots (the leftover casserole of the consumer market) and was looking in the super discount DVDs that nobody wanted to buy when they were in regular stores and I almost cried because of how many great anime titles were in there. Cowboy Bebop, Escaflowne, Gundam MS08, Argento Soma… And that’s just what I can remember off the top of my head. Alot more there too… It’s sad not only because shoppers couldn’t appreciate it enough to purchase it in the first run stores, but also because they were being sold in individual disc cases, none of which making up a full set. If there were any full sets, I would have been the first to wipe out their stock.

Happy, because I have an interview for a paid internship with a advertising firm Wednesday, which (if I get it) will take care of the last of my graduation requirements, possibly let me quit my crappy job, and potentially lead to a career after college.

So yeah, wish me luck…



No I wasn’t.

I recently saw part of a documentary discussing the debate between science and religion, specifically relating to evolution. I forget the man’s name, but there was a very vocal minister who was a strong proponent of strict biblical interpretation. In one part of a video clip of him, he was preaching to his congregation, and he said something along these lines: “Scientists claim that the earth formed billions of years ago, and that humans evolved from apes over the course of millions of years, but we know that’s wrong, because the bible tells us that God created the world in six days about 5000 years ago. The next time someone tells you ‘millions of years ago’ I want you to hold up your hand and say ‘Stop! Were you there?’”

I want to meet this minister. I would ask him who wrote the first five books of the Bible, and when they were written. His answer, of course, would be “It was handed down to Moses by God 3500 years ago.”

My response: “3500 years ago? Were you there?