1.25.10

Six Degrees of Robert

FYI: my Bacon Number is now 5.

1) Kevin Bacon

was in Animal House with

2) Tim Matheson

who was in Chump Change with

3) Clancy Brown

who is the son of

4) Joyce Brown

who is having pictures framed at U.S. Graphics by

5) Robert L. Lynch

1.12.10

New Blog Layout

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1.10.10

A License to Kill

Told ‘ya I’d blog more.

Today’s complaint: the new Ohio license plates. I recently got a new truck, and subsequently got a new license plate.

As you can see, Ohio’s never really had a great looking plate, but it’s always done it’s job, without a lot of flash and without standing out. Kinda like most Ohioans. Pre-1996, it was a simple utilitarian blue on white. After that, we had the dark blue on tan gradient, which was a bit more visually pleasing. Personally, I’d get one of those if they were still available. Then the state’s bicentennial coincided with a couple terrorist attacks and wars, so we got the post-9/11-proud-to-be-American-support-our-troops patriot plate. Hooray for jingoistic pride. A subtle change in 2004 added the blue sun in the background (two by two, hands of blue…) and a little cleaner border.

Now, I’m by no means a flag-waving ultranationalist, but I could put up with a red white and blue plate. But I wasn’t so lucky. As of about Thanksgiving last year, the new “Beautiful Ohio” plates began being issued, unbearably brightening up every vehicle unfortunate enough to need new registration:

I’ll give you a minute for your eyes to adjust… Ok. I’ll agree the plates needed a face-lift, but forcing us to adorn our vehicles with this saccharine scene of surreal serenity is practically torture. I’m as confident in my masculenity as the next guy (although, I never wear pink, I’ve made a concerted effort to avoid owning anything phallic, and you’ll never get me to admit to liking Owl City), but this makes me feel more than a little effeminite. All this plate needs are some teletubbies bounding over the hill.

I know I shouldn’t criticize without offering a few good suggestions, so for the sake of un-fruityfying the automobiles of Ohio, and more accurately portraying our fair state, here are my suggestions for for the next wave of Ohio license plates (BMV administrators in my audience, take note):

This first plate shows a bustling factory in Youngstown and represents Ohio’s booming manufacturing sector.

This plate shows one of our state’s modern housing districts. These high-end houses are a common sight thanks to our state’s constantly growing economy and thriving job market.

And lastly, this plate shows a group of classy, intelligent young women hard at work studying at one of our state’s premier educational institutions. The future of Ohio is looking bright indeed.